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Mike Dell delves into another Bronze Age classic, this time featuring everyone’s favourite lightning lord.
Thor # 269 (1978)
Writer: Len Wein
Penciler: Walt Simonson
Inker: Tony DeNuziga
Colorist: Glynis Wein
Letterer: Joe Rosen
Editor: Len Wein
Growing up, I was never a fan of Thor. Too many thees and thous for my liking. Talk normal, Shakespeare. But with Thor: Ragnarok gaining such critical praise, now seems like a good time to reach into the ol’ magic longbox and select an adventure from Asgard’s favorite son. And issue 269 sees Thor clashing with one of the most fearsome villains in the entire Marvel Universe… Stilt-Man!
Wait, what?
That’s right. Wilbur Day (a.k.a. Stilt-Man), the erstwhile Daredevil foe who makes Leap-Frog seem cool, straps on his mechanical go-go boots and goes one-on-one with the God of Thunder. While that may not sound like a fair fight, this isn’t your ordinary Stilt-Man. A mysterious mastermind has freed Wilbur Day from prison and presents him with a souped-up version of the former Stilt-Man armor, which is now crafted from an adamantium alloy and features rocket launchers and “stupefying” gas emitters. Sure, you have to pay a little extra for the stupefying gas, but it’s worth it.
The evil genius behind Wilbur’s freedom is none other than F.A.U.S.T., the living factory. F.A.U.S.T stands for Fully Automated Unit of Structural Technology, not to be confused with the Fully Automated Unit of Soft Tacos, which is easily the best dollar-menu item at Taco Bell. And since it’s a big machine without arms and legs, F.A.U.S.T. needs proxies to conduct its nefarious schemes. F.A.U.S.T. has already recruited Blastaar the Living Bomb-Burst to act as its muscle, and if you’re unfamiliar with Blastaar, he looks like the Negative Zone’s answer to Animal from the Muppets. Despite his many charms, which include the ability to shoot concussive kinetic force from his hands and a real wizard fashion sense, Blastaar is ill-equipped to intercept a helicopter carrying a secret cargo instrumental to F.A.U.S.T.’s latest plan for world domination. That’s where Stilt-Man comes in.
F.A.U.S.T. wants Wilbur to swipe the cargo in midflight, when the security will be the weakest. And in fairness, most security plans fail to consider a nerdy inventor dude in elevator shoes. Grateful for his freedom, Wilbur agrees to do the job even before Blastaar threatens to kill him if he fails. Blastaar then breaks into a frenzied drum solo and screams something inappropriate about Miss Piggy.
At first, things go as planned, and Wilbur subdues the helicopter pilots with his stupefying gas and swipes the mystery cargo, which turns out to be a “heavily-armored box, sealed with special electron-locks.” One problem: tough to fly a helicopter when stupefied. While Wilbur calmly strides away, the helicopter spirals out of control, threatening the pedestrians on the streets below. Luckily, one of those pedestrians just happens to be Dr. Don Blake.
See, back in the day, Thor wasn’t always Thor. Sometimes he was Don Blake, a medical doctor with a bum leg. Blake was on vacation in Norway when he ran into a cave to hide from some rock-bodied aliens. Yep. Thor’s origin is tied to space monkeys. While hiding in the cave, Blake finds a walking stick and angrily strikes it against a boulder. Boom. Instant Thor. The walking stick is really the enchanted hammer, Mjolnir, and the following words were inscribed on its side: “Whoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of… Thor.” And, yes, the ellipsis was in the inscription. But if Thor were ever separated from his hammer for 60 seconds, he would revert to the mortal Don Blake. Walt Simonson would eventually get rid of the Don Blake alter ego during his run as writer, but in the early days, Thor losing his hammer was kind of like Spider-Man running out of web fluid.
Anyway, getting back to our story, Blake taps his walking stick on the ground, transforms into Thor, and saves the day, catching the helicopter and placing it on a nearby roof. It’s not long before Thor catches up to Stilt-Man, but surprisingly, even Mjolnir’s might is no match for Wilbur’s adamantium armor. Stilt-Man pummels Thor with a rocket barrage and actually has the Asgardian on the ropes long enough to try and escape, but F.A.U.S.T. takes command of the armor and forces him back into the fight. No longer in control of his suit, Wilbur begs Thor to stop him. The God of Thunder obliges, calling down a lightning bolt that fuses the armor’s circuitry, ending the fight.
Before Thor can make sense of things, he’s blasted in the back with an energy bolt and separated from his hammer. Turns out it’s time to play the music, it’s time to light the lights. It’s time to meet Blastaar on the Blastaar Show tonight.
WRITING
Len Wein is best known for co-creating Swamp Thing and Wolverine, and he also played an integral role in revamping the new X-Men that Chris Claremont made famous. Wein plotted those early X-Men tales, and he and artist Dave Cockrum collaborated to create Colossus, Nightcrawler, and Storm. The X-Men wouldn’t exist without Wein.
This Thor issue came toward the end of Wein’s Marvel run. He actually served as the Marvel editor-in-chief in 1974 before becoming the full-time writer and editor for the Amazing Spider-Man, the Incredible Hulk, the Fantastic Four, and Thor. He did all four books at the same time. That’s unbelievable. In 1979, Wein was pretty burned out on Marvel and jumped ship for DC to take over Batman.
MEMORABLE QUOTES
“Gee, I hate to bother you or anything—but can I have your autograph, Mr. Thor? … You can sign the page right after Billy Carter.”
— Sally Jane, random Thor admirer and apparent Billy Carter fan
“When you’re done, could you let little Jimmy touch your hammer, mister?”
— Worst dad ever (probably owns a pizza place in D.C.)
“Not just any man, you gibbering idiot … but the new, improved Stilt-Man!”
— Stilt-Man
“Fear not, good mortal! Thy cargo shall be recovered—and thou shall be avenged! So swears the God of Thunder!”
— Thor
“Truly, thou art a mighty foe, Stilt-Man —- but the power of justice is mightier by far than…AARRGGHH!”
— Thor
ART
When I first saw the cover for this issue, I never would have guessed Walt Simonson was the artist. This is early Simonson, when he was a 32-year-old penciler still finding his way at Marvel, and it was five years before his now legendary run (1983-1987) as the title’s writer and artist, which saw him introduce Beta Ray Bill and turn Thor into a frog. Comparing Simonson’s work here with his later Thor stories and his superb run on X-Factor is fascinating. These early pages are more reminiscent of Jack Kirby or John Buscema. But every few panels, one can detect a brief glimpse of that signature Simonson style, particularly in the action scenes or in his renderings of the F.A.U.S.T. machinery.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Sure, the story isn’t an all-time classic or anything, but Wein figured out a way to get Stilt-Man into the pages of Thor. Pure genius. And the issue is worth reading simply to witness Simonson’s early development into a modern master.
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